Today we’re living in a world where a lot of people feel lonely. We have many social media websites and applications to stay connected with people. We make friends easily. But why are we still facing this loneliness crisis worldwide? And social media is full of it.
So the question is, where and how can I find real friends?
I’ve heard some people say that they want friends, but they can’t find one. Really? Did you make any effort at all
Nobody would come to you and say, ‘Could you please be my friend?’ or ‘I’m dying to be your friend.
Sounds cold, right? But that’s the reality and you know it. Still if you get somebody asking you to befriend them in the way I mentioned above, they must’ve got some ulterior motives. It’s best to avoid such kinds.
Now some of you would say, ‘I don’t need friends. I’m fine being alone.’ But for real? Are you fine being alone? We are social animals. We need friends. Maybe not everyday, but every now and then.
The truth is that friendship is valuable like an asset. You have to build connections to make friends. You have to put effort and invest time.
Perhaps some of you would be thinking, ‘Oh! We do that. We spend hours on social media to connect with people and be there whenever they post something.’
I’ve got a question for you.
Is that enough for you? Be friends just to keep your mind busy? Not to add any value to your life?
It’s been scientifically proven that real friends keep you healthy and help you live longer. In the case of girls, there are studies which show that females need social circles and friends to live a happy life.
So I’ll be answering:
How to find real-time friends?
What’s the right way to choose the right kind of friend?
How to maintain friendships?
It may sound challenging in the beginning, but everything is challenging when you try it for the first time. So let’s get into it.
How to make real-time friends?
Get out of your comfort zone
The first thing that you have to do is to be courageous and get out of your comfort zone. Push yourself. Put yourself out there. Meet new people. Take the first step forward. Initiate the conversation. Others are also human beings. Make it your new year resolution.
Attend social events
This is for those who ask “where will I find people to be friends with?”
Friendships are generally based on the shared experiences. So, find out the places where people with your kinds of interest go. Attend these events.
Or you can expand your existing social circle. You can go along with your classmates or colleagues or neighbours or anyone you get along with. Of course, don’t go out with strangers. Keep people around you informed about your outing plans.
If you don’t find suitable friends who share the same interests as you do, then don’t feel demotivated. The more you meet new people, the more you experience the human connection.
It can be helpful for you in the future when you deal with your colleagues who may not be your friends but you have to work as a team with them. So keep trying.
Try new things
Don’t be afraid to try something which you have never tried before. Start some new hobbies.
Join yoga classes or join a gym or a dance class or anywhere people of your age go.
This way who knows you may find a new hobby too. Don’t be afraid to do something just because you have never tried that thing before. Remember, the first step is the hardest one.
How to find the right kind of friend?
I’ve been asked a lot of times ‘how to choose the right friends?’ Or ‘how do I know that this person can be a good friend for me?’.
It’s actually difficult to tell without knowing someone. There are no fixed standards to understand and judge people righteously.
You will have to know after dealing with them for a while then you will be able to know that they are worthy or not.
But you can try these to keep yourself safe:
People with the same interests
As I mentioned above, if a person has the same interests or hobbies, then you should give it a try.
When you both have the same hobbies then there are chances that you can spend more time together.
You both can understand each other well while enjoying these hobbies.
Don’t meet strangers at strange places
Why is that? This is to keep you safe. If you meet someone at some party or public place then meet them around the same social circle for some initial meetings.
Like if you met at a friends house, then keep meeting in the same way for a few couple weeks at least. Or if you meet someone at a yoga class or gym, then continue meeting them at the same place for a few weeks.
But if someone asks you to meet at a strange place after the first few meetings, then tell that person a straight ‘No’ and block him/her immediately.
Don’t trust strangers under any circumstances until you reach the age when you are strong enough to protect yourself.
In girls’ case, I would suggest ‘Never trust strangers’.
Don’t share confidential information
In the initial stage of the friendship, do not share confidential information like, your family’s financials, father’s or mother’s office address, your exact home address or your sibling’s school/college, any bank or credit card details etc.
And don’t do any monetary transaction. Don’t lend any money.
Don’t drop packages from one place to another for them.
Be aware. Keep yourself safe.
Don’t continue the conversation if you are uncomfortable
We all have instincts. Moreover, if you are following my blog and doing meditation then your sixth sense would be strong enough.
Generally, when you are around someone ‘not so good’ person, your gut will give you signals. If you feel uncomfortable around someone, then excuse yourself and leave immediately.
No need to continue the conversation. If something is wrong, you feel that in your gut.
You don’t have to continue the talks just for the sake of being nice.
Let him/her think of you as a rude person instead of getting caught in an unwanted conversation.
Don’t blindly follow your natural instinct for the opposite gender
It is possible when you see new people (opposite gender) you get attracted towards them naturally. Know and understand this instinct.
Someone you are feeling attracted towards doesn’t necessarily mean that he or she is eligible for your friendship.
They may or may not be good enough to be friends with. Looks can’t define a person’s nature. Be careful while starting the conversation.
Ask yourself “Why am I approaching this person? For friendship or love relationship?”
When you are too young then you should focus on friendship mostly.
I will discuss love relationships in another article.
How to make friendships last long?
Now that you have found a friend, you must be wondering how to maintain this friendship life long. Here’s the deal:
Be there in their hour of need
Don’t just expect from your friend to stand by you when you need her/him.
You should also stand by him/her. Don’t leave them alone in the middle of a tornado.
Help them best possible when they need it.
Friendship is all about acceptance and selfless love. Accept your friend as it is.
She/he should feel free to express her/his emotions in front of you. Look at them and listen to them without prejudice.
Don’t try to change them according to your expectations instead help them to become the best version of themselves.
Respect their ambitions, dreams, feelings and other relationships. Also, don’t bring ego and jealousy in your friendship.
Be a good listener
Don’t just use them as a shoulder to cry on.
They also have things to share with you. Listen to them and pay attention to them when they ask for it.
Keep your phone on the side when you meet them, especially when they ask for the meeting to share something important with you.
Invest your time
Spend time with them. If your schedule is too busy then ask them to join you at jogging or gym or wherever you think they can accompany you.
Work on it together. Make sure to spend time with them.
After all, they are as valuable as your family. If something happens in your family, they are the ones you can trust and you will call for help.
In case, you are away from your old friends then also keep the heart connection alive. These days it’s easy. You can do video calls.
Don’t pay much attention to their mistakes
Remember that they are human beings just like you.
They will make mistakes.
You better forget those mistakes.
You should help them in rectifying those mistakes. Don’t keep track of them.
Unless they are doing something illegal or unethical or antisocial (don’t be friends with such people).
I think you got my point. If not then comment below.
Accept pain as a part of any relationship
When people are in some kind of bonding, some day it is possible that you have to bear the pain of either a fight, separation or distance.
It is not that you would die of this pain. You should not be afraid of this pain.
Think about the moments you spent together or those tough times that your friendship made it easy to go through.
Disagreements can be sorted out.
In case of separation you may be able to make this distance friendship work or in future you get back together and again help each other grow. Even if you are far, you can still support each other.
What’s the bottom line?
Friendship is about give and take. You get as much as you give.
Well, now you know how to make real friends, leave your phone or tabloids, go out and make some.
Let me know how it goes in the comment section.