A love relationship is an intrinsic part of one’s life. You can’t live without one, ironically it seems difficult to live in one as well. Why does it become difficult to live with one whom you love so much? To know the answer let’s see at a point where it all starts.
Once a kid enters adolescence, it becomes natural to feel attracted to opposite-sex. At this blooming age, a person is shy so as not to share his/her feelings with others. If someone keeps the shyness at bay and tries to share, the other person’s advice can be very disheartening. Due to the biological and hormonal changes, every teenager feels a similar feeling of emptiness, loneliness, and aggressiveness.
As a result, the immense desire to find a partner reaches its height. The desire reaches a stage much that you fall for the first person you feel attracted to. You happen to start dreaming to spend your entire life with that person. You even start to daydream the minute details like where would you buy your house and what color walls you will have in your bedroom etc.
You long for a perfect partner and when someone comes to your life, it can be overwhelming. It all seems like a dream comes true. Hey, stop right there! Take a pause. Beware, before you feel flying high in your love story, take a glance at your own self.
You are still carrying that emptiness in you, what are you going to give another person? Do you understand yourself, when you are expecting others to understand you? Do you love and respect yourself? What kind of relationship you have with your own self?
Let’s explore as to what can be done before you make a long list of failed relationships and how to work on yourself
Falling in love with yourself
Your love relationship should not be the result of your emptiness and loneliness. It should happen when you are filled with love and overflowing with it. When you want to share that overflowing love, You don’t need someone else to fill your need for love. You don’t have to find someone who completes you. You are complete in yourself. Relationships should be based on sharing your care, love, and compassion, not trivial pieces of gratification.
Start your love journey with yourself. Love yourself for what you are and who you are. You should be the reasons for your happiness, and then you won’t feel unhappy when the other person is not around you. Don’t beg for love and happiness from others; for who knows, they might also beggars who are expecting you to give them the same. When you love yourself, then another person will feel the same love energy for you. Yet that will make you more loving.
If you have not reached your individually, how do you propose someone your love? You need to find your own roots at first. Do not enter into a relationship with others unless you have explored yourself. Now, the question arises about how to attain individuality.
Understand individuality first. Every person on the earth is unique. You have your own qualities, desires, path. This all together makes you an individual. You need to explore your inner world. You must know your emotions, your potential, and most importantly your state of mind. Bring awareness to your actions.
Being an individual, your relationship is a part of your life not otherwise
You must have other parts too in your life other than your relationship. You must get involved in your own things, which are part of you. Like your hobbies, your work, your friends. Many people put so much of themselves in the relationship that they start feeling exhausted and their partners start feeling overwhelmed.
Don’t burn your energy out and don’t knit your life around one relationship. Relationships are needed for every human being and so is individuality. Due to this overwhelmingness, some people feel that they are being used in a love relationship. So don’t disconnect from your other parts and relationships.
It is quite normal if you feel your other significant your priority. But keep other things active in your life.
Understand your emotions
Knowing your emotions doesn’t merely mean to know how you react on a certain thing but to know from where these emotions come. Biologically emotions are chemical reactions in the body. You can read more about emotions in another article. Do practice meditation.
Before entering into a love relationship ask yourself “Why do you want this relationship?”. What do you have to bring into this relationship? Are you a happy person? Do you love yourself ? Have you already reached your full potential? Do you understand yourself? Do you have enough resources to financially support yourself?
These things can impact your emotional wellbeing.
After you have answers to these questions and you understand your emotional wellbeing then only enter a relationship. If you are a miserable person then you will definitely make another person’s life miserable. Such a person will sabotage his/her relationships. We all should be responsible for our well-being. We should not put the responsibility on others for our own emotions.
Do things that make you happy. Make a place for everything in your life alongside your lover. However, the irony is that when love happens nothing else fancies you. Yet you should learn to be involved in other activities too like work, a morning routine, exercise, visiting a mall. Do not skip those kinds of stuff which you always love to do. Keep yourself happy. A happy person makes relationships happy.
Anyone who has ever gone through heartbreak can understand it better. When your significant other breaks up with you, it feels like you will never be able to love anyone else. After a certain period, when the pain diminishes, wounds are healed, and all of a sudden someone enters in your life out of the blue and you start feeling the same for him/her.
Have you ever questioned, from where this love comes? Definitely not; when you are under the spell of love, you can’t be in your senses. All you think of is about this other person. You keep on falling again in love.
‘Love’ which resides in you. Love is a feeling, it is always there inside you. It doesn’t depend on others.
The other person is just an object, love is the subject. The problem starts when you put all your focus on the object, not the subject. You don’t cherish the love but the person. Love is your feeling, how can it be dependent upon others. Love is constantly flowing in you.
You make it painful by making it objective. When you are overflowing with love, you are naturally bound to spread love. If another person comes in your space, you share it with him/her. If another person leaves, your love within you still is flowing inside you.
Many of us give this authority to others that they can make us feel good or bad, low or on the top. Although. “how one should respect himself/ herself” this should be taught during childhood. But children are forced to behave in a certain manner by their parents or teachers.
Therefore since childhood, we learn to give the authority to others to tell us what we are or who we are There might be a few exceptions. So forget all about what you have been taught since childhood. Now you are grown up and you can make your own choices.
Learn to respect yourself as an individual; value your choices. You have your desires and you have all the rights to make a choice. Others have no right to make you feel down for your choices and your individuality.
If someone can’t respect you, that person doesn’t deserve your precious love. Show the same respect to yourself as you would to others. According to psychology people who are unsatisfied with themselves don’t respect others. You don’t have to feel bad for leaving such a disrespectful person. Respect yourself and others will respect you.
I hope this can bring a change in your life. If you don’t understand yourself and started walking on the path to knowing others then you are risking your love. Instead of falling for others, fall in love with yourself first.
Instead of blaming others for your failed relationships, take responsibility and make the right choices. Not for others but for your own sake. Some of us keep on falling in and out of relationships and take no time to understand that is happening in their relationships.
Instead of focusing on molding others according to your choices, work on yourself. Cherish the relationship with yourself; other relationship will fall into proper place by itself. Take some time out alone with yourself and work on yourself. Stop focusing on others, put focus light on your self. Enjoy being you. Celebrate your relationship with yourself. Once you do it, other relationships will join the celebration too.